The Case of the Headless Jesuit

  The Case of the Headless Jesuit

  A Thomas Littlejohn Mystery

  George Bellairs

  MYSTERIOUSPRESS.COM

  WITH LOVE TO

  GWLAD AND GOOFY,

  MY FAITHFUL PARTNERS IN CRIME AND IN EVERYTHING ELSE

  CHARACTERS

  Benjamin Hosegood and Oscar Flunder, Wardens of St. Mark’s, Cobbold.

  P.C. Pennyquick, Law and Order in Cobbold.

  His wife and four eligible daughters.

  Rev. Penderell Worsnip, M.A., Vicar of Cobbold.

  Rev. Augustus Smythe, B.A., his Curate.

  Granville Salter, late Lord of the Manor of Cobbold.

  Superintendent Percival, of the Thorncastle Police.

  A Girl in emerald green and a Man in a huge overcoat.

  Ephraim Davy, Baker, of Cobbold, and his Two Women.

  Phyllis Alveston, a local beauty.

  Mary Ann Alveston, her mother.

  Meg, Granville Salter’s Old English Sheep-Dog.

  The Manager and Staff of the Mitre Hotel, Thorncastle.

  A Film Director and his retinue. A Film Star or two.

  Lancelot Qualtrough, County Coroner.

  Mortimer Whatmough, his factotum.

  Benjamin Fernihough, Lawyer of the Salter Family.

  Dr. Kilpheric, Police Surgeon.

  The Mayor, Corporation, Chief Constable, and Football Eleven of Glebechester.

  Stationmaster and Porter of Glebechester.

  Mrs. Reilly: “Good beds for respectable men.”

  Policemen and Road Scouts.

  Ex-C.S.M. Bedford, Custodian of a block of flats in Mayfair.

  Deborah James, one of his tenants.

  Other queer tenants.

  James Cooney, alias Barney Faircluff, private investigator.

  Mrs. Plucock, widow of P.C. Plucock of Carstonwood.

  Her children and her mother, Mrs. Hearty.

  Madeline Fothergill, a gentlewoman of Cobbold.

  Felicity Grimes, her maid.

  Dennis Pratt, assistant at the local Co-op., and Felicity’s admirer.

  Herbert Moss, Barney Faircluff’s ball-boy.

  Tom Sly, gravedigger at Cobbold Church.

  Mr. and Mrs. Ashberry, of the Royal Oak, Cobbold.

  Margaret Lacey, née Salter, Granville’s Aunt.

  Nathaniel Polydore, antique dealer and antiquary.

  Clients in Polydore’s shop.

  Sergeant Dainty, Thorncastle Police.

  Dr. Macduff, Nationalized physician in Cobbold.

  Mrs. Whatmough, mother of Mortimer.

  Mr. and Mrs. Enoch Tyle, her sister and brother-in-law.

  Mrs. Pawker, who does for Mrs. Alveston and others.

  Pollie Duckett, widow and grocer of Cobbold.

  Sid Chapell, who is courting Pollie.

  Bruno Auerhahn, a musical friend of Madeline Fothergill.

  Harry Coop, a driver on the London Underground.

  and

  Detective-Inspector Thomas Littlejohn, of New Scotland Yard.

  Detective-Sergeant Robert Cromwell, of the same.

  CONTENTS

  I WATCHNIGHT SERVICE

  II THE DANCING CURATE

  III THE MAN WHO BROUGHT THE NEW YEAR IN

  IV THE STRAY DOG

  V THE HEADLESS JESUIT

  VI INQUEST

  VII THE TRAIL OF JERRY ALVESTON

  VIII THE FLAT IN MAYFAIR

  IX RHUBARB WINE

  X TWELVE-NOTE SCALE

  XI THE THIRD VICTIM

  XII MEDICAL HISTORIES

  XIII THE SECRET OF SALTER HALL

  XIV THE DISGUSTED DOCTOR

  XV MISS MARGARET

  XVI MRS. PAWKER GIVES NOTICE

  XVII FAKE ALIBI

  XVIII A WARRANT AT LAST

  XIX THE RELUCTANT FUGITIVE

  XX THE FILE IS CLOSED

  ONE

  WATCHNIGHT SERVICE

  AT 11.30 on New Year’s Eve, the ringers of St. Mark’s, the parish church of Cobbold-in-the-Marsh, began a muffled peal for the Old Year. This was a signal for the rival congregation of Methodists over the road to start singing hymns and lamentations for days past and to praise the Lord for guiding them through life’s weary pilgrimage hitherto.

  Days and moments quickly flying

  Blend the living with the dead;

  Soon will you and I be lying

  Each within his narrow bed.

  They sang it with the gusto of eager anticipation!

  In the parish church opposite they were all sitting quietly. Useless to carry on a vocal battle with the bells. Their time would come. Meanwhile, it was pleasant to sit there and look around.

  The soft lights of oil lamps shone on the polished ornaments and gold thread of the altar and spread a gentle glow over the evergreens, holly and fir, which decorated the pulpit, side-chapel, and window-sills. There was a crib, lit by tiny candles, in the chapel and a large Christmas tree in the south porch. The place was almost full.

  They were short of coke and it wasn’t very warm. People shuffled their feet to restore circulation and their breath rose like steam. Some of the breath already bore faint traces of alcohol; a little bibbing in anticipation.…

  Overhead the muffled bells pealed away like soft musical footsteps on their way to heaven. People could hear them for miles across the Marsh, where, in the vast silence, they sounded like the stealthy fore-runners of death, heralds of coffins and funeral processions.

  Benjamin Hosegood, people’s warden, sat side by side with Oscar Flunder, the vicar’s elect, in their little wardens’ pew at the very back of the church. Sitting solemnly there, with their silver-topped staffs of office standing beside them, they looked like two medieval figures of the carnal sins of Greed and Gluttony, for Ben was thin and parsimonious and Oscar gross and fat. Hosegood’s mean little eyes flitted from one to another of the congregation, sizing them up with pleasure or hate. His jaws kept rotating as though he were chewing a quid. Any time you expected he would spit on the floor. Flunder, on the other hand, was half asleep. It must have been the old port which now lay, like aromatic balm, on his stomach. He went through a regular routine of movements. First a nod, then his eyes would close and he would cast up a mild snore which awakened him. Then he would look sheepishly around to see if he were observed and begin the cycle all over again.

  Among the motley gathering of heads and headgear in the body of the building could be seen the pink, shiny dome of the constabulary head, that of P.C. Pennyquick, celebrating, in mufti, the advent of the New Year, thanks to a dearth of malefactors. He had his wife and two daughters on one side of him and two more daughters on the other. The girls wore party dresses under their coats, for this was a brief interlude in the season’s merrymaking and they hoped to continue where they had left off. The eyes of several village beaux fell with pleasure and longing on the four young and comely ladies and with resentment on the bobby, whom his fair offspring always seemed to prefer among men.…

  Pending the arrival of the clergy and choir, the meeting took a secular and social turn. People chattered, hobnobbed, turned in their seats to exchange gossip and greetings, or, in behind-hand whispers to comment, carp or pass slanderous remarks about something or someone. But, taken as a whole, the gathering was one of good will, for Christmas wasn’t far behind and the nearness of the New Year filled most of them with awe and a fierce or feeble desire to do better than last.

  The shining brass plates which commemorated generations of dead-and-gone Salters, one-time lords of the manor of Cobbold, looked down on the assembly and reflected the lamps on the countenances of rich and poor alike. Marble plaques let in the walls to the mem
ory of this and that village or local notable still recited the innumerable virtues and accomplishments of the deceased.

  Sacred to the Memory of

  Thomas Proudfoot, L.M.S.S.A.

  for over forty years beloved physician of this parish who laid down his task on October 25th, 1832. Of a benign and kindly disposition, a scholar and one skilled in the arts of healing, he … etc.

  P.C. Pennyquick’s youngest read it over and over again, wondering why she did so, what the doctor of a hundred years ago looked like, why he died at the age of sixty-three and how he qualified so young, whilst a young admirer gazed at her in rapture and pondered whether or not to commit some fearful crime and, by her father’s attentions to him, bring himself to her notice.

  The effigies of armoured knights with crossed feet, lying in cold marble with their ladies beside them in alcoves on either side of the chancel, slept unmoved by the passing of the years. The Salters’ family pew stood empty and forlorn. The last of the family had removed to a flat in Mayfair and sold the Hall to a doctor for a private asylum, which had not been successful and resulted in the great house now being empty and for sale. The death-watch beetle was in the rafters of the church which, now and then, as the bells shook them, sprinkled the soft brown dust of decay on those beneath. The place smelled musty from dry-rot and old stone.

  Mr. Hosegood and Mr. Flunder still sat silently together. They were not on good terms and each behaved as though the other weren’t there. Mr. Hosegood had tried to celebrate the passing of the year with an indigestible meal which was now beginning to ferment and cause a painful effervescence in his inside. He gripped his breast-bone and gently pressed the spot where the pain hurt him most; at the same time he grimly eyed the fur coat worn by Mrs. Pennyquick (Christmas present) and wondered how much it had cost and where the constable had got the money from. He found himself wishing he had a grown-up family to earn money for him. He was a tailor on the verge of bankruptcy and he had borrowed from his fellow-warden, a butcher and reputed to be up to his ears in the black market. Hosegood eyed his sleeping neighbour with the hatred of the unlucky debtor for his successful creditor.

  As the sound of the bells waxed and waned, the joyful strains from the chapel opposite rose and fell, invading the quiet church and then, met by the muffled swelling of the peal, retreated and fell silent like a brawling intruder.

  Who of us death’s awful road,

  In the coming year shall tread …

  And the chimes, though mourning themselves, seemed unable to bear the rest and chased it out of doors.

  A deaf old man who could hear nothing of what was going on, was being kept posted in dumb-show by a benevolent maiden lady in the pew behind. She kept pointing upwards as a sign that the bells were still at it, and he would nod with satisfaction as though assured, by the finger raised to heaven, that Providence was still watching over him. Even at that unearthly hour, a number of children, protected by special dispensation, had come to church and were seated in the children’s pew at the very front. Whenever they manifested any signs of slumber or boredom, they were quickly set right by the ferrules of the umbrellas of two elderly ladies who, being hard of hearing, had perched themselves as near the chancel as they could.

  At ten minutes to twelve the choir and clergy entered, the Rev. Penderell Worsnip, M.A. (Cantab.), rector, the Rev. Augustus Smythe, B.A. (Dunelm.), curate, six little boys and two hulking men, all in surplices. Mr. Smythe was late wherever he went and was seen hastily joining the procession, fiddling with his vestments and adjusting his stole, which he reverently kissed, as he came in step. The white linen, the vicar’s silver hair, Mr. Smythe’s pale, apologetic face, the boys’ polished red cheeks and the livid noses of the blacksmith and the cobbler bringing up the rear in squeaking shoes, gleamed under the lamplight.

  The bells padded on in their courses. Mr. Hosegood looked peevishly at his watch, wondering if the ringers, forgetting themselves and already well-fortified for their tasks at the local, would carry on their funereal ringing far into the New Year. He held his watch in his hand for a moment, bitterly contemplating it. It was of gunmetal and had, since last watchnight, replaced the gold one given to him by his father when he was twenty-one. He wondered what would happen before the end of next year.… Then the bells ceased. The youngest ringer could be heard, racing upwards to the belfry from the ringing-chamber to remove the leathers from the clappers. The vicar commenced his battle against time. A brief word, a few responses, an abbreviated hymn, with all the time vociferous competition from over the way. So, they said good-bye to the Old Year.

  A half a minute to twelve, and then a hush. The congregation fingered and shuffled their prayer-books and selected the first hymn for the New Year. The two churchwardens continued to ignore one another. Old or New, it was all the same to them. They had no time for each other and so long as Hosegood paid his interest, Flunder was content to leave things as they were.

  And then, just as all the people were holding their breath waiting for the first stroke of midnight on the clock, shuffling footsteps sounded in the porch and a tall, lean man entered the church. He was deathly pale and young, too; on his head was a black slouch hat, which he did not remove. With one hand he held close to him the folds of a heavy frieze-cloth overcoat; with the other he groped in the air of the aisle as though seeking support. The worshippers all turned their heads and a concerted gasp of recognition rose like vapour in the building. Mr. Granville Salter, formerly of Cobbold Hall, now of Mayfair, London … and drunk!

  A brief second or two seemed like eternity. It was as though someone had laid a curse on the assembly and turned them all to stone. The vicar, with silver hair, his open book in his hand … the curate beside him, one hand raised as though to fend off evil, the choirboys with open mouths above the ruffles of their surplices, the smith and the cobbler looking as though they’d seen a ghost. All the congregation, on their feet, turned towards the intruder with their breath caught in horror, Mr. Flunder still sitting, asleep. And the memorial tablets, the brasses, the effigies, unmoved, as though, having passed through life, or recorded all that was in it, this last little surprise did not catch them unaware.…

  Before anyone could do anything, the clock struck midnight. The Methodists over the road were first off the mark and began to sing.

  The year is gone beyond recall,

  With all its hopes and fears …

  Between the lines of the Nonconformist hymn, you could hear a fusillade of shot-guns being fired all over the Marsh, where it is the custom to shoot-in the New Year with blank cartridges.

  Cobbold bells rang out, and Mr. Granville Salter fell sprawling to the ground.

  The shining dome of the Law rose majestically from the middle of the gathering and, seeming to shake off its attendant women, proceeded solemnly to the scene of the commotion. Other men emerged to help, whilst women twittered, tut-tutted and wondered whether or not fainting were merited. The clergy descended to minister and Mr. Flunder, awakened by the clamour of bells, Methodists and congregation, opened his eyes, took in the scene of confusion, closed them again momentarily as though wondering if he were still dreaming, and then, ponderously rising to his feet, stumbled to join the constable.

  P.C. Pennyquick first removed the hat of the newcomer. He might be drunk, but let there be no irreverence in church! Then he and Mr. Flunder tried to raise the body which, however, lay a dead-weight in their arms. The constable started, opened the greatcoat, gasped, and then closed it again. Like a mental message, the news flashed round that something was wrong, though no word was spoken. There was a momentary hush. Everyone grew rigid again. The white of the surplices, the colours of the women’s clothes, the ring of clean, anxious faces, the bright holly berries, the candles on the altar and Christmas-tree.… And over all, the clashing of the joyful bells and the tumultuous welcome to the New Year from the Methodists opposite.

  “Have they started yet?” quavered the deaf, old man, querulous from neglect, and,
living in a silent world of his own, unaware of all that was going on. “If they have, somebody wish me a Happy New Year.…”

  But they were all too busy.

  They carried Mr. Granville into the vestry and there, those who had thought of drunkenness repented. For, just below the heart was a nasty knife-wound, the blood from which the victim had been holding in check with his coat. It was then that the vicar observed that his surplice was stained bright red, and, in the way we have of thinking the most trivial things in the gravest situations, his mind flew to how his housekeeper would make it clean again and what she would say when she heard it was soiled with the blood of another human, a dying man. He knelt beside the stricken man and tried to make him comfortable and prayed for his soul. But, with a great sigh, Mr. Granville Salter died without saying a word. His lips just moved and, for a second his eyes lighted and he tried to smile at the vicar, who was an old friend. The Rev. Augustus Smythe went into the open air and was violently sick, and P.C. Pennyquick, after warning all not to touch anything, although everything possible had been already violently disturbed, rushed to the nearby kiosk to dial 999 and to call a doctor. The hymns and bells continued and the vicar again found his thoughts wandering to the problem of what happened when someone was murdered in church, or died violently in it. The bishop …

  Thus the New Year came to Cobbold-in-the-Marsh and gave Inspector Littlejohn, of New Scotland Yard, his first case this year.

  TWO

  THE DANCING CURATE

  “THEY’VE not wasted much time,” said Cromwell to Littlejohn as they sat back in the train taking them from London to Thorncastle, the county town of Mereshire. It was Sunday and the sergeant was dressed in his best clothes. Instruction from headquarters had suddenly withdrawn him from the bosom of his family, which he was about to conduct to the home of their grandparent to celebrate the New Year.

  “No,” said Littlejohn, who, worse still, had been called from bed where he was sleeping off the previous night’s festivities. “It seems they’ve one unsolved murder on their hands already and can’t risk a second. The message came by phone and, as they say trains don’t run on Sundays from Thorncastle to Cobbold, where the crime occurred, we’re to meet the police at Thorncastle. Is there a diner on the train?”